I don’t care

Sometimes it’s so easy to let go of the past, when you don’t care about it anymore it simply has no power over you. I spent a long time getting my life on track after my disastrous relationship with Lara ended. I didn’t think about her at all anymore, we had no friends in common really.

To begin with I wouldn’t let myself think about her, or the friendship we had shared with Heidi and Daryl, now I just didn’t think about them. Anyone I knew that knew both of us seemed to respect that I wasn’t interested in hearing about her. I didn’t gossip and I didn’t even feel any desire or need for the truth about how she really had treated me.

All of this came from the simple fact that I was happy. I was happy without her, Heidi and Daryl in my life. That was something that I would have thought impossible just two years before this revelation. Funny how time really does heal all wounds. I had my own life that I had created for myself, a career that I had worked hard for that was on the up. Sure my new role was a struggle and a big change from what I was doing before but I enjoyed the challenges and thought I was doing well to begin with.

London had changed me, I felt like me again. Like the confident, outgoing teenager I had been before the unhealthy relationships I had experienced with Katy, Lara and to some extent Dani. I was in a good space in my life, Megan was a part of that. I trusted her absolutely. If there was ever any problem between us we could talk about it and move on, it was quite refreshing.

Megan was going from strength to strength with her new job too. She got on amazingly well with all her colleagues, they planned going out to dinners together, the occasional drink or just hanging out after work. I encouraged Megan to make her own friends, it was what I needed to do when I moved to London and I wouldn’t have gotten through those early months without them. It was also a way for me to show her what it was like to be in a healthy relationship, since when she was with Rose she wasn’t allowed to have friends.

There was only one friend she made at work that rang alarm bells for me. It was a guy on another team that seemed to be over-friendly. I called out to her that he was flirting and to be careful not to give him the wrong impression. She thought I was being silly, stated that she’d already mentioned that she wasn’t single. That was good enough for me.

At about the same time all of this was going on news had reached Megan about each of our exes. Lara and Rose had finally gotten together. A part of me weirdly felt sorry for the girl that Lara had left me for, Lara had certainly done the exact same thing to her just as I had predicted. It’s not even worth an ‘I told you so.’

I was strangely able to laugh about the news, it wasn’t surprising. In fact, I was only surprised that it hadn’t happened sooner I would have thought if anything when Megan and I got together that would have been more shocking. After all, we weren’t the ones that had an affair years before.

I guess things were a little more fresh in Megan’s mind, the news seems to be of interest to her. Although she no longer spoke with Rose anymore, there hadn’t really been much time for her to really process the break up, she’d moved on so quickly. It was one of the things that had made my parents worry when we had gotten together, they thought that I was in danger of being Megan’s rebound. By this time I’d hoped that we had proven that wasn’t the case.

Megan would bring it up as idle chit-chat type of gossip every couple of nights. The topic of conversation wasn’t particularly interesting to me, I let her get it out of her system. However I did manage to learn some things that I’d rather not have known about how Lara had treated me while we had been together. I took Megan’s version of events over Lara’s since it made sense and I hadn’t actually sought out the information.

The up-shot of the sentiment was that she couldn’t really believe that Rose could love someone as nasty as Lara. Megan had seen all of her ugly behaviour first hand, it struck me as odd that she could care whether Rose had anyone worthy of her love since Rose, by Megan’s account had been a terrible, abusive, manipulative girlfriend. To me, they seemed perfect for each other.

Looking back now I know exactly why Megan felt that way, it’s likely that she had exaggerated the abuse she suffered from Rose during their relationship. I think anyone can say that typically when there’s a break-up the truth lies somewhere between the version of events that each person may give. I found it very easy to believe Megan’s account of Rose, since I had my own reasons not to like the girl.

I couldn’t bring myself to feel any hurt over the truths that were slowly revealing themselves about Lara and proving that what I had suspected of her all along had been right. If anything I was able to take a positive from it, that my gut instincts are usually spot on. I really should trust myself more. That would be a hard lesson to put into practise, I’m also always very conscious of overreacting to any situation.

Even still, I just didn’t care. I had become oddly detached from that life I had once lived. I had taken the very bold step of cutting all the ‘dead-wood’ out of my life when Lara and I had ended at the end of 2011. I had my fresh start, nothing from my old life could touch me. I finally realised that the only people that can really hurt you are the people you give permission to do so by inviting them into your life.


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