Disappointment

How you handle disappointment is a real test of character. Life comes with an abundance of disappointment and moments sent to try us all. There are those that appear to brush off these moments and get on with life, then there are the rest that allow themselves to feel hard done-by and wallow in self-pity for a time before soldiering on.

I fall somewhere in the middle. When people have disappointed me I take longer to bounce back. When it comes to work or other aspects of life dishing out the disappointment it really takes a lot to grind me down. Megan was faced with disappointment too frequently during the job hunting. It wasn’t doing her self-esteem any good.

The job interview for the Sales role at my company was going really well. After suffering a long stream of flat out rejection, a multitude of employers not even acknowledging her applications it was hard not to get carried away when Megan’s luck seemed to be changing. We were through with all the interviews and now it was just a waiting game.

Christmas was fast approaching while we were waiting for the news. Megan had slowed down looking for other opportunities as she had pinned her hopes on getting good news. The wait was agonising. We were looking forward to our first Christmas together, shopping and exploring London in the run up to Christmas was providing a good distraction.

We spent a cold winter morning roaming around Camden. It was great fun to see Megan in her element. She absolutely loved the bohemian atmosphere and was able to indulge her inner-hippy. Taking her around the market stalls and seeing her face light up was making easy work for me as I was compiling her Christmas present list in my mind. We did the dorky thing and bough bought ourselves matching ‘I ❤ London’ hoodies.

We walked for miles through London when Megan came to visit. The dates we planned for each other were pretty sweet, we ducked out of the rain into the aquarium on the South Bank before getting cosy under our giant umbrella as we walked through the deserted parks in the rain. We dodged over-friendly squirrels in St James’ Park, meandered past Buckingham Palace and Green Park until we ended up at Harrods.

It was quite a walk. It was worth it to see all the pretty lights outside Harrods, it really is quite a sight when it’s all lit up and decked out in Christmas decorations. Even better than that was visiting the top floor where the pampered pooches and puppies were. Ridiculously over-priced puppies without their mummies, but that’s a topic for another day.

The Christmas shopping was going really well. My biggest concern during that time was where to hide the presents so that Megan couldn’t find them. I decided on wrapping them up instating and hiding them in plane sight. Megan did the sweetest thing for me by buying a small Christmas tree for my tiny room and putting some really cool decorations all over it. It was a pretty cool kitsch little tree.

I had planned on spending Christmas back home with my family but of course Megan would be a part of that. By this time she had met my family and everyone was getting on really well. My parents initial concerns about me being in danger of being the ‘rebound’ were long forgotten. They knew that Megan was hoping to move to London soon and that we’d likely be moving in together. I think they were happy that I seemed to be settling down with someone and thinking about my future.

Then the first week in December Megan got the bad news. She hadn’t gotten the job at my company. To say she was gutted would be an understatement. It was hard to help her pick up her spirits after that. We had spent the weekend together as usual and I was trying to help her bounce back and look for something else. However the whole thing seemed to go the other way, Megan wanted to take a break altogether from the job hunting and get Christmas out of the way.

She wasn’t quite the same person as before, it had really affected her. I remember her leaving me a message on my iPad apologising for the way she had behaved towards me after she had found out, it was just hard for her to deal with the disappointment. That she seemed to miss me more than ever when I was away at the weekends. I guess it should have comforted me that she missed me when I wasn’t around, but it didn’t. It worried me. I let Megan reassure me that we were solid, that she would bounce back from this.

I didn’t press her about the job hunting anymore. If she wanted to take a break and focus on having fun during the holiday season that was fine with me. Hopefully the festive season would lift her spirits. I think maybe she just didn’t want to get her hopes up again, unknown to me, Megan was still applying for jobs here in London.

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