This feels like falling in Love

Ever since that first kiss I never stood a chance, I’d offered up my heart for the taking and I had jumped in at the deep end. I’d been trying in vain for months to quell the feelings that had been growing stronger and stronger, now all I that was left to do would be to confess just how badly I had fallen for her.

I shared a song with Megan, one that seemed to describe the way I felt perfectly. It’s a beautiful song by Ed Sheeran called Kiss Me and the lyrics describe so perfectly what it’s like to fall in love with someone when there’s a lot to risk. Megan and I had become to depend on each other as friends, changing the dynamic could have been catastrophic. However we recklessly took the plunge.

“My heart’s against your chest, your lips pressed to my neck
I’m falling for your eyes, but they don’t know me yet
And with this feeling I’ll forget, I’m in love now”

I can only describe it as overwhelming. That feeling like she could already be your best friend and knowing that they know you, all of you, the good and the bad and they still like what they see and surprisingly even love you for it. Even after one week the distance was unbearable, we just wanted to be together. It was intense, it was new and exciting and the only thing that didn’t sit right with me, it was a secret.

The day after Pride I set off early to meet Megan in Wiltshire. I had no idea what we were going to spend the day doing, it didn’t matter as long as we were together. The weather was glorious and we had chosen a town to rendezvous in that was actually a lot closer to my Somerset home than my London home, but I didn’t mind.

It felt so good to see her again, after the short week apart. I had worried incessantly that our relationship wouldn’t get off the ground, throughout the week she had to put up with a lot of stress. Her ex, Rose was plaguing her daily, playing depressing music at all hours, writing her pleading love notes and generally begging to be taken back. Megan had given in to her so many times over the years, even though we were both so certain of each others feelings I still didn’t know if it would be enough for her to change her life so completely.

When I saw Megan all the worry disappeared. She was a vision, dressed so casually but always looking stunning. At the time Megan had dirty blonde hair that is naturally wildly curly although she preferred to straighten it most of the time, about 5’10” with a rocking body and swishy hips and piercing blue eyes… If I wasn’t already falling for her beyond the realms of sanity I would have been falling madly in lust. As it happens the mutual feelings between us didn’t help the lust thing at all, it’s like I’d been given a green light and the idea of taking things slow was appealing and the sane thing to do but also very, very hard.

We spent what was left of the morning walking along the canal, it was a very short walk. We stopped at the first bench we came to which was obscured from the walkway by a lock and a bridge and sat in the sun chatting and making out. We were getting pretty carried away in our seclusion when a boat came through with a hearty shout from the skipper of ‘Don’t mind me girls’ so after a little embarrassed laughter we decided to move on.

We wanted to make the most of the day so it was dinner at the pub, followed by a longer walk along the canal into town. An amusing incident with a cream cake which made eye contact impossible for a number of minutes. Megan had opted for the cream cake, and decided to dig in completely unaware of the suggestive tongue-action until she spotted me almost doubled over with laughter. At which point I was told I was not allowed to look at her while she finished eating it, I of course, couldn’t help winding her up with much eyebrow-raising.

We ambled around the town all day, it was the first chance we ever had to really be together. We enjoyed simple things like walking hand in hand together, stealing kisses and sitting outdoors in the sunshine with our arms wrapped around each other. What more could we have wanted? It was a little slice of heaven.

At times we talked so seriously, about everything we would have to overcome or things that might make our relationship difficult. We talked about the distance, Megan’s situation with her ex and current living arrangements, worries about how intense it all felt and not wanting to move too fast. I was happy to take things as slow or as fast as Megan wanted, I’ve never had any problem with commitment, once I know my own feelings I’m in it and that’s the end of the matter. I had however been hurt before, so I talked at length with Megan about any baggage I might have.

To me, it seemed simple. I need honesty in a relationship. If I ever feel like I’m being lied to I will turn into a bit of a tyrant, I asked for patience. I would trust willingly as long as there was never any behaviour that would make me think you weren’t worthy of my trust. I even went as far as to point out the things that I had noticed in hindsight with my previous relationships as being red-flags for cheating and lies. Megan promised, bless her she was even outraged on my behalf about the way I had been previously treated, she swore to never let me feel like that again. I believed her.

We made plans for Megan to come and visit me two weeks later in London since she had some time already booked off work and it coincided nicely with my annual summer party at work. The day was over for us too quickly, we spent the last few hours having dinner in town followed by a walk back along the canal and stopping at another bench, this time closer to where we had parked our cars. We were in danger of very publicly getting very carried away whenever we stopped for too long. I felt like a teenager again, maybe it was the age gap, they always say you’re as young as the woman you feel.

It would be Megan’s birthday while I was back in London that week and I wanted to arrange something special for her. Unfortunately I had a little trouble getting the present I wanted for her organised in time. I’d let her know what the surprise would be on her birthday and we’d have something to look forward to. Megan would be busy with her family celebrating her birthday, it seemed like a long time until we’d get to see each other again.

We had somehow already hit upon a routine while we were apart. Every midnight I would send a goodnight message over Facebook, and Megan claimed she couldn’t seem to sleep without them. With her early morning hours at work I’d be guaranteed to wake up to a beautiful message every morning and things couldn’t seem better. My life in London was simple, it was mostly work, sleep, occasional drinks and banter and repeat. Megan’s life was ramping up in the stress stakes, a break-up that was being taken badly by Rose, unwanted attention, a physically demanding job when she wasn’t in the best of health and the idea of moving back home to her family. All the stress was about to get the better of Megan and just before her first visit to London.

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