Big wheel keep on turnin’

As 2009 ended there was no real significance to it for me. It was a year that started well, hit a rough patch and then rattled along at a mediocre pace with the occasional highlight and low point. As ever the year ended with Christmas and New Years celebrated with friends.

I don’t remember much of the celebrations during this time. Lara and I were firmly in the routine of getting round all our close relatives on Christmas day, it was just our third Christmas together but we had already developed a routine. I can’t remember the presents that we bought for each other this time, I don’t think we were trying so hard any more preferring to save our money for holidays and such.

New Years came with another house party at my place. It was very much like the one before except there were less of us in attendance. It was a quieter celebration than the year before, though with just as much alcohol as the year before. I didn’t get any fireworks in for this one, but there was plenty of Singstar which got more like ‘Stars in their Eyes’ as singing turned to impersonation with each Cocktail.

Heidi and Daryl were of course present when we brought in the New Year. Lara had invited a friend from work who bailed on us at the last minute. In my vague recollection I can’t honestly say if anyone else was there other than the four of us. It was still a nice way to bring in the new year, and much cheaper than finding somewhere to go out for the evening.

So as we said goodbye to the noughties, we had much to look forward to in the new year. I remember being at work one day and getting texts from Lara about a good deal on a holiday her and Daryl had spotted while out shopping. It was a last minute deal to the Canaries, it was ridiculously cheap but I just wouldn’t have been able to get the time off work. Although this started us all up on planning for the next ‘gay family’ holiday.

We aimed to go in May again and although I was still struggling with my finances I was happy to agree to another trip if the price was right. I’d seen a place I liked the look of while flipping through brochures, the french island of Corsica. I didn’t think the other guys were as keen on the destination as me, one day while at work again I got a call out of the blue. They’d found a trip to Corsica for four at a great rate towards the end of May, it was self catering and in a bit of a quiet location but we went for it anyway.

We were all looking forward to our holiday together, hoping for a repeat of the fun that we’d had the year before but without the dramatics between Lara and I. It seemed to come around pretty quickly there was only one black mark really in the run up to our holiday. Heidi and I had a monumental argument just a week before we were due to travel and it forced the excitement about our holiday to turn to trepidation. Heidi was so annoyed with me that she even said that she didn’t want to go anymore.

Do you think I can remember what we fought about? I have a rough idea but I’m sure there was more to it than what I remember. I remember getting frustrated with her continually complaining about being taken for granted at work and not doing a thing to do anything about it. It was as much my problem as it was hers, I felt particularly disgruntled because I was trying to offer advice based on my own experiences and the awful time I was having a work, yet the fact that I still didn’t let it put me off from attempting to progress within my company. I had listened to her talk about this problem over and over again and this time I offered advice she completely trashed it. I took it personally.

I think because we were both fed up with elements of our lives and fundamentally unhappy at the time we truly took it out on each other. It even got to the point where I accused her of not being a good friend, that we were completely unequal in our friendship. I always listened, gave advice, offered help where I could and my problems bored her to the point where she just didn’t want to hear it anymore. That’s when I’d had enough. Did I overreact? Definitely, there’s a reason behind that which isn’t right but it’s proven to be a characteristic of mine. I bottle things up until I can’t take it anymore and then I have a ‘hulk’ moment where I let rip at anyone in my path.

I usually calm down pretty quickly. The same night we had our argument and a few texts that were exchanged which made things feel unresolvable, it really hit me that I was in jeopardy of losing a really good friend. That night when I tried to talk what had happened over with Lara as we were lying in bed I got really upset. I immediately wanted to put things right but didn’t know how, I was stubborn enough to think I was owed an apology, yet not unfeeling enough to know that Heidi was owed an apology too. I wouldn’t budge until she would be ready to meet me half way, and with us both being like ‘peas in a pod’ we were equally as stubborn as each other, so it was a few days before either of us budged.

But we did make up and just in time to attempt to put everything behind us and enjoy the holiday that we had booked. I felt a little awkward in the run up to it, wondering if the friendship really was back on track and that we could forget all the silliness. I needn’t have worried, just like me when Heidi says sorry she means it and when she forgives someone she means it too. All that was left was to enjoy the sun, sea, sand and well… none of that please we’re British. It was a very different holiday to the one before, I think I’ll save the highlights for tomorrow’s post.

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