As time goes by

Somehow, remarkably we were still together. Lara once again when it came down to it, begged me to stay even though I was ready to throw in the towel and call it a day. I once again ignored my intuition which told me time and time again that things would never get better. Poor Michael used to listen to me whinge about my relationship day in day out around this time.

It was a two way street, I didn’t just offload on Michael and never be there for him. I like to think I’m there when it matters. I would listen too, whenever he was annoyed with friends or his girlfriend at the time. Sometimes we made a right pair. We still enjoyed going to our concerts, there was Avril Lavigne and V Festival that year if I remember rightly. Probably not since my memory is a bit of a blur during those times.

Lara joined us for Avril Lavigne and so did our friend Aaron, it was a good night out, though the trip up and back to London in a day can be a bit tiring sometimes. We had that to look forward to again with our own little gay circle of friends, Pink was on tour again. This time I’d be travelling up with Lara, Heidi, and Daryl. Our friend Potter was also going to the concert with us, however her and her girlfriend were staying up in London. We managed to get quite good seats, though after having seen Pink at the V Festival and stood all day in the rain just to be at the front I wouldn’t have minded being a little closer to the action.

Pink put on such a good show, it was her ‘I’m not dead’ tour, we all had a particular appreciation for her performance of the Divynls’ I touch myself. In fact we all enjoyed it so much that straight after we started looking at going to see her again later in the year. We booked tickets to go see her in Manchester during the second leg of her tour and we managed to get standing tickets!

It wouldn’t be the first time we would go to Manchester that year. I’d gotten talking to someone locally on gaydargirls and she was interested in meeting up and making new friends in the area. It was obviously all above board, I never hid anything from Lara and when I met up with Amy for the first time Lara came with me. I didn’t really know what to expect since Amy didn’t have any photos online but since we were only in the game of making friends there was no point in being so shallow. Not that I’m shallow when it comes to women, but attraction matters.

Over time we started to get on with Amy ok, every time we went out in town we’d invite her out with us for a drink or two. Amy kept a horse and Lara used to enjoy riding, so once or twice we went out to the village where she lived to see her horse and hang out. Unfortunately Amy didn’t drive back then so whenever she was able to come out with us I’d have to drive out to pick her up and drop her off since she lived out in the countryside.

We all decided that it would be fun to go to a Pride together. After figuring out which city to chose we eventually planned a weekend up in Manchester. I rented us a luxury apartment and Amy had a friend that would be joining us for the weekend once we arrived. I also arranged to meet up with an old school friend while I was up there, it’s always nice to reconnect with people a few years later and see what everyone’s up to these days.

What else did we have going on that summer, ah yes, the second holiday. We were going to Ibiza, just the two of us. When I look back now all of these plans and things that we were doing screams at me that we were just looking to distract ourselves from our already decaying relationship. All except perhaps this holiday to Ibiza, since it would be just the two of us at a quite adults only resort we’d be able to reconnect and have some fun just the two of us.

Other things to note, it was the potentially the first time that Lara and I had ever really talked with any serious intentions about where our relationship was heading. I think a few things motivated Lara in bringing up the topic but nonetheless it made me feel great when she suggested that we should think about moving in together. It was a sign that she was more committed to our relationship than I’d been thinking. Although for me, it was completely impractical. I was still paying of a loan, student debts and a credit card, yet still finding a way to pay for two holidays a year.

I think it disappointed Lara that it wasn’t an option that we could explore. At one point Lara even looked into getting a loan in her name to help me with my finances so that we could afford our own place. When someone shows that kind of intent it’s hard to keep doubting and worrying all the time about what may or may not happen. As time went by we got comfortable again, I began to trust Lara again, she seemed to want a future for us as much as I did, yet my insecurities never completely went away.

So we went on our holiday to Ibiza, we enjoyed Pride in Manchester, went spent time with friends, celebrated birthdays, times were good, it was almost too easy to move on from what had happened in Majorca. If I attempt to remember things in the right order, it was my birthday in June, Ibiza mid August, Pride at the end of August and winding down to the winter months with our second Pink concert. Luckily these are all events that I remember quite clearly, so more on that soon.

It’s odd remembering how we we able to move on, almost with ease. As much as I’d screamed and shouted and been genuinely hurt over what had happened I surprised myself about how forgiving I could be, the moment that I got back home I refused to acknowledge there had been anyone called Bryony on the holiday with us and only focussed on the happy memories. Even now when I look back at that time I prefer to remember the good times over the bad, even if so much has changed since. I suppose really, for a time things were great, not as good as when everything was new and if I’m completely honest still lacking the passion we’d once had, I felt like I’d made the right decision after Majorca when we decided to stay together. Only time would be able to prove whether I was right or wrong.

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