The Best holiday ever

This is going to be a two parter, firstly I’ll tell you why our first holiday as a foursome was the best holiday ever, then I’ll explain why it was also the worst holiday we ever experienced as a foursome. Even worse than the time we missed our flight because we were stuck on the M25 for hours. Most of all, the way that it was only me that endured any kind of suffering on this holiday everyone else had a grand old time.

Daryl and Heidi had been on holiday together before with a few other friends and had a good time, they both got very badly sunburnt and had learnt their lesson. We’d booked ourselves on a 10 day all inclusive holiday at a family hotel in Alcudia, Majorca.

We went in May just before the half term break as we didn’t want to be overrun with children at the family hotel and of course it was cheaper. In the run up to the holiday we’d all had t-shirts made, they were black with Majorca 2009 printed on them and a nick name on the back in sky blue. Of course mine was MusiqFreak, Lara’s was Trumper (for the flatulent veggie) Daryl was Dancing Queen and for the life of me I cannot remember what Heidi’s t-shirt said, I want to say it said DoobyDoo? But I’m not sure.

Our flight out was at an odd time, we decided to stay up all night rather than go to sleep and wake up early. We were all packed and ready to go, dressed in our matching t-shirts and Hawaiian leis. We had group photos taken before we set off and we were all pretty excited to be going away. The flight was pretty uneventful, and even with Lara’s incredible fear of flying it went pretty well.

When we arrived at the hotel it was mid morning, we had rooms next to each other but away from the main bustle of the hotel which was quite nice. In fact our rooms were actually above some of the staff rooms which was interesting. The beach wasn’t far away, we found the bus that would take vacationers by shuttle to the beach every 20 minutes and laughed when we realised what a short journey it was.

We went to the meet and greet with the holiday reps and booked a couple of excursions. We made friends with our holiday rep, she took a liking to our group almost immediately as she recognised us for the overspilling group of camp, gay, fun that we were. Which highlighted to us that she was most likely a lesbian, ding ding ding, we were right.

The first couple of nights there we sussed out the entertainment. In the evenings there was mini disco for the kids, all those catchy songs and choreographed dance routines, followed by bingo and then some form of entertainment aimed at adults. Sometime a show or act paid to come in for the night, sometimes by the entertainment staff.

Since all the drinks were free it wasn’t long before we were joining in with everything. Even getting there early in time for the kids mini-disco, doing the funny dances and getting ourselves noticed by pretty much everyone. We played bingo, we danced and we drank and we laughed. In the day time we discovered other activities like archery, rifle shooting, table tennis and more. I had some freak success with archery one day which was unexpected and unsustainable.

This behaviour coupled with our lack of children and similar age-range to the hotel entertainment staff soon had us all enjoying a bit of banter and getting on rather well. We spent a few nights debating which of the staff were gay, that’s always a fun way to pass the time. There was an attractive girl with questionable english that we all hoped was a lesbian, just because if she was, it would prove there was some justice in the world.

Now we’ve long established that I am a karaoke addict, I had also dragged Heidi down with me. We would often get up in a pub among friends and sing cheesy duets. Some favourites were I’ve had the time of my life from dirty dancing and the disney classic, a whole new world. In a pub it’s small and intimate, a small audience, nothing to worry about, everyone’s drunk.

However while on holiday at this particular resort the stage was huge. There were enough seats outside for a couple hundred people, maybe even more, and it certainly wasn’t empty. Never the less Heidi and I still put our names down for karaoke. We were first up. As it was fast approaching the end of our stay it seemed most apt to sing ‘I’ve had the time of my life’ and it was fun, mostly because one of the staff, Tara and another entertainment guy were our highly amusing background dancers, even doing their own unique version of the dirty dancing lift.

Heidi and I received compliments on our performance from other holiday goers for days after, other people at the hotel had noticed how well we seemed to get on with the staff and even mistakenly assumed that we worked there on one or two occasions.

A special mention has to go to the entertainment. We learned the chu chu ua, among other dances and boogied the nights away. Laughed at Lara trying to do the dance as no matter how many times we showed her she just couldn’t find the rhythm. People fell down drunk, not in an awful state but just tripping up and laughing their heads off, we crammed ourselves into those tiny kids rides that you often see outside supermarkets and took part in everything.

Yet none of this compared to the pure comedy genus of some of the entertainment. There was one night where the staff did a medley of musicals that was simply brilliant. They did songs from Grease, Dream Girls and so many more and it was delivered brilliantly with great comic timing. We got into the habit of playing bingo and waited every time for Tara’s catchphrase of ‘It’s-A Bingo!’ we never won anything but we didn’t care.

Although the resort was all inclusive and had absolutely everything you could want, we were certainly far from bored, we still ventured out once or twice. One of the excursions we had booked was to go to a water park for the day, it was huge. We arrived and someone takes your photo on the way in, there was a high dive show and the biggest vertical drop slide I’ve ever seen at a water park, and yes I was too chicken to try it. One of the funniest memories was standing looking at the souvenir photos and hearing over the announcer some joker who had gone to the customer service desk and asked for someone to help them locate a Mr Juan King.

Another evening we were informed by the entertainment staff about a nightclub that had opened not far from the hotel and that a number of them would be checking it out after work. We went to see what it was like, it was promising but since none of us had brought enough money with us to blow on a night out we didn’t stay long, in fact just as we were leaving we noticed the rest of the guys from the hotel just showing up.

The rep from our travel agency joined us once or twice in the evenings for drinks. She never stayed late and once again I had that feeling of instant dislike. I’m beginning to recognise this now as intuition and I should trust it more, but that story is for the worst holiday ever.

We explored another town nearby one day which was pretty good for markets and shopping. I can’t remember how we got there, I don’t remember taking a bus or a taxi so it’s a mystery to me. We wondered around the narrow streets and bought cheap perfumes and other typical British things you do on holiday and then decided to head back to the hotel. We took a horse and cart ride back, it was great fun mostly because the guy had the cutest black labrador puppy that kept wriggling away from him. Eventually he passed her to us in the back to look after, we were all smitten and wanted to keep her.

Eventually we deduced that there was a lesbian couple amongst the staff, I picked up on it immediately and stated my guess as assured fact of ‘it’s obvious’ it wasn’t really, it was just my intuition. It wasn’t until the last evening when the others agreed with me. Tara and Kelly took us out for a few drinks on our last evening.

We went to this cool little bar a stones throw from the hotel called Uncle Festers. We’d spotted it before on our wanderings but had never ventured in. What a mistake that was, it was a shame that on our last night we found the coolest bar. They had vodka shots of every flavour you can imagine behind the bar. We started the night by ordering a selection and enjoyed trying them out. It was a great way to end the holiday.

The best thing that has probably ever come from this holiday for me was getting to know Tara. When we got back to the UK we all found her on Facebook and added her as a friend. Shared our holiday pictures with her and reminisced for a while. However a year or two later Tara moved to London with her girlfriend Kelly. When we were in the same country we said that we’d meet up, but that wouldn’t happen until I moved to London a good while later.


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