When we’d gotten back from our Cornish break and the decisions had been made it was too easy to carry on as if none of it had happens. I think that’s what Lara had naively expected would happen, that I could just move on so easily and things could be like they were before.
The trouble is, the whole time whatever was going on between Rose and Lara I wasn’t exactly blissfully unaware. I had noticed that our relationship had changed, my needs weren’t being met. In a previous post you’ll see that I had written this off as Lesbian Bed Death or the typical honeymoon period wearing off. However now that all this was out in the open I could see clearly that this betrayal had been the root cause of those problems.
I wouldn’t want to move on without making it clear that we had to respect each others needs going forwards. I was clear in that I needed to feel wanted. Lara heard, ‘I want more sex.’ For some reason she couldn’t understand that it was more than just sex that was lacking for me. I missed the way that she seemed proud to have me as a girlfriend, now I felt like a secret again, someone she was only happy to introduce as a friend. I missed the subtle things that she used to do without thinking, holding hands, casual touchy-feely things and the longer I missed those things the more I’d want to talk to her about it.
The talk always went the same, Lara would claim full responsibility and promise things would get better, of course she thought I only meant sex and not the other more significant details. So typically for a week or two after one of these conversations we’d have quite a bit of sex and then go back to how things were before. It was a depressing pattern.
After we’d successfully cut Megan and Rose out of our lives we attempted to move on, to move past these issues. The first thing we did was book another holiday, this time we’d be going abroad with Michael and Aaron. We had booked a large villa in Corfu and would be staying in the same village that we’d visited the year before. It would be the first time for me that I’d be driving abroad, I was a little nervous about that.
We lived in a small town, so occasionally over the following months we’d see Megan and Rose while we were out. I felt a lot of internal rage at the sight of Rose and would often imagine exactly what I’d love to say to her, or even sometimes more violent fantasies, never of my doing, more dealt by karmic freak accidents. Since I chose to believe Lara’s improbable story, she got off lightly and things between us were all sweetness and light, for a time. From this moment on however I refused to call Megan and Rose by their names and if I ever felt any need to refer to them I preferred to do so as Tw*t and Tw*tface. Mature I know.
I wouldn’t forgive, I would try to forget and move on. There was no way that I would ever let them back in my life. Not only that but Lara didn’t want me to talk to them either, it’s clear to me now the reason why, she didn’t want me to hear another version of events from them. She fooled me again into believing that all she wanted was to be free of the pair of them, they had always been trying to come between us, if we ever made friends with them again they’d try to tell me ludicrous stories to break us up.
Without them in our life we moved swiftly on. I found myself spending more time with the guys again in the run up to our holiday which was fine by me. I got to speak to Michael often at work about everything that had happened and that helped. When my family realised that Lara and I were staying together they treated her just the same as always, no one would ever have known that we’d had the massive set back, although initially Lara was worried about facing my parents again.
At Lara’s place it was another story all together, I don’t think her mum or stepdad were even aware that we’d suffered this massive blow and had almost broken up. I don’t remember ever saying anything about it in front of them and I don’t think Lara would have confided in her mum in a million years. Her Dad on the other hand knew, and I think he knew more truth about the situation than I did. I always felt welcome and comfortable around his place and after this we seemed to spend more time at her Dad’s in our free time.
The holiday to Corfu was interesting, looking back the village was the wrong place for four young adults in their early twenties, we should have stayed somewhere more lively that had a bit more going on. More on that tomorrow. If I’m not too drunk to write, Thursday is the new Friday after all and I’m going to some work funded party with an open bar, perks of the job.