With the end of Lara and Emma’s relationship I went from being a dirty little secret to just a secret. We both thought that there should be a period of time where we should just let the dust settle and see Emma begin to move on before we made our relationship public knowledge.
The trouble with that is when you’re in those first throws of new love it’s hard to keep anything to yourself. People closest to you notice ‘that change’ in you, the happy glow, the distraction, the smiles, there are so many give aways. To a very select few we didn’t have to hide, I’d confided in Michael and he was happy for us, he’d seen it coming a mile off even when I thought it wasn’t a possibility.
Other people that were aware of our situation respected that we would be flying under the radar for a while. Heidi and Sam could also be counted on to keep our secret, it was nice knowing that we didn’t have to hide around everyone. It didn’t stop either of us feeling guilty or ashamed about what we had done behind Emma’s back, we both thought we were only lying to keep from hurting her more.
The truth is the moment you start a relationship with someone that isn’t single, it’s impossible to avoid the eventual scene where everything blows up in your face. It would only be a week before we would be discovered to be seeing each other, and the person who made the discovery certainly wouldn’t be keeping it from Emma.
In the lesbi-friends quest, where in Lesbian land all exes must attempt to remain friends therefore we would still continue to socialise with the same people, which included Emma and Katy. We were going out more and more in Somerset since we all lived in the same town, one evening we arranged to meet a few friends at a pub on the outskirts of town.
Lara and I arrived early, I had driven and we decided to stay in the car until more people arrived. It was still winter, just, the clocks wouldn’t change until the end of the month. It was dark and it was really cold out. Just sitting in the car talking was enough to mist up the windows, we weren’t talking after a while we were just sat in the car together kissing, contemplating blowing off heading into the pub altogether and just heading for my place.
I’m not sure how long we’d been sat in my car for, time didn’t seem to mean anything in those early days and we certainly didn’t notice it passing us by. When we arrived we had been early, slowly everyone else had turned up and they were beginning to wonder where we were. It wasn’t until Katy arrived and spotted my car in the overflow car park across the road that we were rumbled.
I could barely see out of the window beside me when I heard someone tapping on the glass, I peered out of the window trying to figure out who it was, then I grumbled as I realised it was Katy and that she must have seen Lara and I kissing. With one quick glance at Lara I got out of the car to confront the mess head on.
What I hadn’t realised is that Katy hadn’t seen anything except that we were sat in the car together, we could have gotten away with it if I hadn’t have opened my mouth. The first thing I said as I got out the car was ‘I guess you saw us kissing then?’ now the cat was definitely out of the bag. Katy was furious with me, she had no right to overreact the way she did and I think it only took a few minutes for her to realise that. She then settled on feeling angry and indignant on behalf of Emma.
I couldn’t argue with that and I didn’t, all I asked was whether she was going to tell Emma or let us break the news in our own way and in our own time. In my mind Katy had no right to be angry over this, Emma would have every right. I learned a few months later that Katy felt like she had every right to be angry, she thought that this was proof that we had been having some sort of affair for much longer than the week or two that we had been seeing each other by this point. She felt betrayed.
Since I was adamant that I had done no wrong by Katy and I stubbornly refused to feel ashamed of finding happiness with someone when she had cast me aside again and again over the years, she wanted to hit back. I had given her the ammunition that she needed, she had one over on us in that she could drop this bombshell on Emma, so she did.
Needless to say Lara and I cut our night short, we went into the pub very briefly to let our other friends know that we wouldn’t be joining them that night. Then I drove Lara home, she was going to speak with Emma and have her moment of confrontation. I remember driving back through town after dropping Lara home that I then saw Emma walking in the opposite direction, obviously heading for Lara’s house. I almost slowed to stop and offer an apology for the way she’d found out and begin to attempt to make things right, that was until she recognised my car started shouting and flipped me off. I decided an apology could wait for another day.
Things weren’t going to be easy, but at least everything was now out in the open. Those that had known for a while were very supportive. More importantly, we were happy so it was easy to ignore all the pain that we had caused anyone else, as long as we were both happy what did it matter about anyone else who might not approve?
The truth is, after that first night there wasn’t much fall out. It was a bit like ripping off a plaster, do it quick and fast and then it’s over with. All this happened early on in March, by the end of the month it was Lara’s birthday and we’d all be going out together to celebrate, Emma included, and she’d bring a date with her. Sure it was still awkward as anything, at least the truth had been uncovered.
musiqfreak 