Home Sweet Home

Quitting University and settling back into life home in Somerset didn’t take long at all. My first task was to get a cheap run-around, living in a quiet, small country town makes it pretty hard to get a decent job unless you have a car. Most people commute out of town for work. My parents helped me with a loan to buy a little blue Fiat Punto, then I set to work.

Initially I started looking for entry level jobs in design. I’m a creative and artistic person and I had it in my mind that this is what I wanted to do with my life. I soon realised that nearly all design jobs required a degree, or that they wouldn’t pay or that they weren’t available locally. I told myself that I wouldn’t stop looking although I started applying for jobs in offices and contact centres in the area.

I had several interviews and after a very short time I started working for a mobile provider in their customer support centre. The hours were long, when I first started they were 12 hour shifts. Katy was still studying at college and had two part time jobs around her studies. We were both very busy at this point in our lives. We managed to see each other most days, things were still uncomfortable with my parents when it came to our relationship so we avoided spending too much time there.

I found myself hanging out at Katy’s a lot, we both still lived with our parents. Her mum was pretty cool, we’d often watch America’s Next Top Model all together and got a little hooked on it, it became a bit of a weekly habit. Her aunty and cousins are also really decent people, it was always fun to be around them. Peter and Michael would often hang out with us too.

We had quite a few skeletons in our closet by this point. My skeleton was the one that got away, Katy’s I considered more worrisome. During the times that we had been apart Katy was partying hard, she would often smoke pot and do coke and I disapproved. I begrudgingly put up with her smoking cigarettes although I would have preferred it if she quit, yet with the drugs I have to admit I put my foot down. Put that together with her previous fling with Beth and still wanting to be friends with her even after we got back together, you could say we had a few hurdles to overcome.

Our skeletons for the most part remained tucked out of sight for a month or two, to begin with we were just enjoying our second honeymoon period. It felt good to be back among friends, I thought the games had stopped and we were finally in a place where we could both be happy. I thought Katy would be able to trust me again, since I was no longer living miles away. Katy had stopped seeing Beth and didn’t seem to be troubled by that, she told me she had everything she wanted because we were back together.

My parents were coming to terms with my sexuality, they still didn’t approve of Katy and I being together. However I learned that was less to do with any aversion to me being a lesbian. It was in fact due to all the times they had overheard our arguments and that somehow they could see what we couldn’t, that we weren’t good for each other.

Katy used to joke with me that she was my bit of rough and that I was her posh bird. This really rubbed me up the wrong way, I hated that she had this opinion of me. It seemed to be more than a joke when she said it, like she truly thought that I had a high opinion of myself and that I considered myself to be better than her. For the record I’m certainly not posh, however I do consider myself to be somewhat intelligent with a pretentious double-barralled surname. In the years that she had known me I don’t think she ever got this idea out of her head, she would always think in some way that she wasn’t good enough for me.

We ignored all the negatives and focussed on the present day. It was easier to live each day moment by moment. If we didn’t look too closely at the multitude of ways we had already hurt each other they wouldn’t become a problem. Except Katy would dwell on the past and let it eat away at her until it spilled over into an argument every so often. Our skeletons would be a ticking time bomb waiting to go off, I wouldn’t enjoy home sweet home for very long. Too soon everything would be back to our volatile ways, and the games would never end.

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One thought on “Home Sweet Home

  1. It’s hard when you are in the middle of a relationship to see how wrong you are for someone. You’re there in the middle of it with no time to lift your head to even breathe. It’s everyone else who can see clearly. Keep writing. Love the blog so far. 🙂

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