Paranoid

Throughout the summer before I went back to University I was really enjoying spending time with Michael, Billy and the rest of the boys. It was clear that Michael and I were close, we just had a very similar sense of humour and attitude to life. The three of us Katy, Michael and I would often hang out together day and night. We’d go shopping, to the cinema, hang out at his place or just be out and about.

It was always the three of us, and Michael and I had known each other for years. He would tease me about the fact that in my very early school days I had dated a couple of his friends. I would joke back saying how he was the only one that had escaped me and it was too bad I couldn’t complete the set. It was all in jest but it drove Katy to paranoia.

Katy could not believe that Michael and I were just friends, this guy means the world to me. I’m still lucky enough to call him one of my best friends to this day, even if we sometimes go months without seeing each other. Katy couldn’t seem to accept that I was 100% gay, I know my form probably didn’t help matters. She lived in fear that my being a lesbian was just a phase and when I came to my senses that I’d drop her like I had before.

The paranoia hurt. I can admit to my mistakes easily enough and in all my life I can honestly say I have always been trust worthy. When I commit to something, anything it’s complete and devoted and I was committed to Katy. However Katy was convinced that Michael was attracted to me and that given the right opportunity I’d fall for him. It never happened and the very idea was ridiculous to the both me and Michael.

Because it was such a ridiculous idea we would joke about it when Katy looked like she was getting disgruntled my Michael and I spending time together. I wasn’t going to cut him out of my life to make her happy, not when she wanted him as a friend in her life as much as I did. They got on so well, sometimes I just wonder if she was jealous that he was my friend too when she wanted him to be just hers.

The summer was coming to an end and I had received news from Chris that we’d had a bit of a setback in our plans for our second year living arrangements. Paul was no longer going to be studying, he’d gotten in some trouble with money and would be taking the year out to work and repay some debts, under his parents orders. We were one housemate down and he needed to be replaced as soon as possible. I would end up leaving for Portsmouth sooner than I had planned.

Because I was leaving early Michael arranged to come and stay with us for a few days, Katy wouldn’t be able to make the trip and her paranoia was palpable. I got to Portsmouth and Chris, Liam and I spent an evening at the University looking for a new housemate at one of their meet and greet sessions for new students that hadn’t gotten into Halls. That’s how we found Jane, she was studying her second degree and she got on with all of us immediately. It was great to have a token straight person in the house.

When Michael came to visit we spent our time exploring Southsea, going to the cinema, drinking and generally just having a good time before term started. I remember that we were walking back from the cinema one day and Katy had called me to see how I was settling in, she had asked what we were up to and so I told her we had gone to the cinema. I think she asked something about our sleeping arrangements, her paranoia taking over again, and that set Michael off.

It wasn’t just me that was feeling the sting of the mistrust. I was hurt that Katy didn’t seem to trust me, Michael was hurt that one of his closest friends would think he could betray her like that. He dealt with the situation rather well, as we were walking home from the cinema making suggestive comments loud enough for Katy to hear while we spoke on the phone, things like: ‘Can’t you wait to get me home before you start taking my clothes off?’ and ‘Don’t stop, that feels so good’ etc.

Needless to say it didn’t help her behaviour and we ended up arguing. I was making the point that I couldn’t control what Michael would say when she was being ridiculous. That if she didn’t like the way he was behaving to take it up with him and not to take it out on me. I think I made my point quite well on this occasion, I always seemed to come out on top if we ever argued over the phone, I think it’s because the more angry I get the more articulate I seem to get. I’m most dangerous when I don’t resort to cursing.

Paul’s departure had another implication which Chris and I hadn’t thought about until it was nearing freshers week. The LGBT society had no Presidents. One had graduated and Paul wasn’t coming back this year. The society would fold if someone didn’t step in, Chris and I took up the challenge. We thought it would be fun, we’d sit in a tent all day getting details from new students then arrange a few socials, it wasn’t going to be that difficult. I don’t think when the news reached Katy that she was very happy about it to say the least.

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