There comes a time in almost every young lesbians life where they are required to complete the holy pilgrimage, a Pink concert. Lesbians of all shapes and sizes are known to travel for miles having been drawn to Pink like a moth to the flame. The most disappointing fact we all chose to ignore that is although our dear icon looks like one of us, sadly she is not. However I’m sure there are many among us that have met and fallen in love during one of her gigs, or the many after-parties. Where else can you expect to find so many lesbians in one place?
I remember that it was Mothers Day when the concert finally came around. Katy and I were going with another couple, I made my way home for the weekend and we arranged to stay the night before at their place in Bristol before heading up to Birmingham for the event.
By this time Katy and I had a bit of a love-hate relationship, we still were in that awkward trying to be friends phase. The concert was on a Sunday and the preceding couple of days Katy had enjoyed flaunting the fact that she had been seeing someone new, the before mentioned girl that is a couple years younger than us, Beth. Katy had arranged to meet up with me to catch up before we went away for the concert, I agreed.
We talked about her new flame, I was surprised that she had gone for someone so young… I knew that I could never at the age of 18, go out with someone younger than me. I found it a bit strange and I guess it showed in my manner when we were discussing it, or I may have even been so blatant as to speak my mind. To me is reeked of desperation, like in some way she was praying on young girls… it was a knee-jerk reaction and very hypocritical of me to think so, as when I was just 16 I formed an attachment to someone much older than 18. Maybe it was just because I didn’t like the idea of Katy moving on, I would have found any excuse to disapprove.
Well during our catch up Katy conveniently was summoned to see Beth and brought me along for the awkward scene. I was reduced to waiting in her car with Beth’s friend while they disappeared together for an immeasurable amount of time. To say I was annoyed was an understatement. Yet being stubborn as I am, I didn’t let my annoyance show, when she finally returned we went out with friends and I acted like nothing out of the usual had happened. Oh, and to cap it all off, Beth also happened to be going to the same concert, the same day, what were the chances?
The following day we travelled up to Bristol to stay the night at our friends place. During the journey up there Katy was quizzing me about what I had been getting up to in Portsmouth, many of my exploits had already reached her through Peter who could provide a first hand account of goings on from his many visits. I happened to tell her about meeting Jennie and Louise, I was going out quite regularly with the pair of them. Sometimes I’d go out with Jennie without Louise, although they appeared to be best friends, and I exaggerated the meaning behind this to level the score, hinting that me and Jennie might actually have been seeing each other (we weren’t).
I proceeded to spend much of the evening texting my friends back in Portsmouth, we were going to the concert with people that I considered to be more Katy’s friends than mine. Being glued to my phone might not have been very social of me, I felt less awkward with it as a distraction. I wasn’t exactly sure if I was welcome at times. Throughout the evening it became clear that I was going to have a ‘talking to’ when I was alone with her friends they pleaded her case very well, saying that although she was acting out, what Katy wanted more than anything was for us to give things another go. Shame the way she was acting didn’t back that up.
Although when she returned after I’d had my ‘talking to’ she was on her best behaviour. Katy even apologised for her behaviour the day before, told me that although things had happened between her and Beth that now they were just friends. Apparently Beth was going through a hard time coming out (something I could easily relate to) and Katy was just being there for her as someone who’s been through it all before. I don’t know why I believed her, but I did.
Despite my best judgement and my previous promise to myself that I wouldn’t let anything romantic happen between us again, we ended up sleeping together again that night. By the time I had woken up in the morning Katy and her friends were patting themselves on the back smugly. Like the ‘talking to’ had worked and I’d finally come to be senses and was going to give it another go… I, on the other hand woke up with a head full or worry and regrets thinking that the second I went back to Uni I’d be breaking her heart all over again.
By the end of the concert I realised there was no reason to worry about breaking her heart anymore, I wasn’t sure she even had one. It’s was Pink’s Try This UK tour back in 2004, I had never seen her perform live before so I had no idea she was going to have such a massive gay following. I remember seeing the queue forming and all the girls with standing tickets refusing to leave their spot in the queue. We had seats so we weren’t so bothered as long as we got in before it started.
At the very front of the queue was a girl I recognised from gaydargirls as being from Portsmouth, we’d chatted once or twice but didn’t really know each other. However when we spotted each other we said hello as if we did, I think that put Katy’s nose out of joint a bit, she clearly didn’t believe we’d never met before. Naturally, this put the game play back in full swing, from that moment on she’d be keeping an eye out of Beth.
Katy painted a picture that Beth was quite enamoured with her and that they had planned to meet each other by the merchandise stand when ‘their song’ was being performed by Pink (Save My Life) and, she didn’t sing it! Katy also painted the picture that she wasn’t interested back and that the only reason she wanted to meet her was because she thought Beth would buy her a concert t-shirt. I couldn’t tell if she was lying or not, if she was being honest she had just admitted to cruelly using this young girl, if she was lying I clearly didn’t mean as much to her as she and her friends claimed. Either way I didn’t think much of what she was doing.
The concert was amazing, I was thrilled that she performed all her singles from her first album even though her second had taken her in a new direction. The Lady Marmalade set was inspired, with the blow up dolls representing the others performers that couldn’t be present, culminating in the popping of Christina Aguilera. My absolute highlight was her Janis Joplin medley, she was amazing. Although I was in rather odd company, it was one of the best concerts I had ever been to, even with all the lesbian drama surrounding me.
Nothing brings us gays together like an amazing night out in awe of our favourite gay icon. The camaraderie among the concert goers was amazing to witness and everyone was very chatty and friendly. Katy sloped off during the concert. When Beth had seen that Pink wasn’t going to perform ‘Save my life’ by seeing the track list in her program she summoned her by text instead. By this point I just didn’t care anymore, I hated myself for getting involved with Katy again but I had no interest in playing anymore. If she wanted to plays games she was playing on her own now, I was done.
The fact that I wasn’t bothered by her behaviour seemed to irritate Katy more than if I had screamed at her ‘What are you playing at!’ and I tried very hard not to rise to her jibes. I went back to ignoring the awkward situation I found myself in by texting my friends back in Portsmouth and planning a few nights out for when I got back.
On the way back from the concert I was consumed by guilt, not for any of these goings on, but for not having bothered to acknowledge in any way that it had been mothers day! I hastily text my mum to wish her happy mother’s day, and I wanted to buy a card on the way home so that I wasn’t a complete disappointment. It was Sunday, so naturally nowhere was open. It would be the first and last time I would ever forget.
Things had been getting better between me and my mother, this was a bit of a set back. I don’t think enough time had passed for her not to think I was doing this intentionally to punish her for the way she had reacted when I came out. Sure, I was still harbouring feelings of resentment as she clearly still didn’t accept my sexuality and vehemently refused to speak to me about any relationship problems I might be having. Consequently I felt pretty alone sometimes and that I lost out on having my mum be my friend during those years… Yet I’d never do anything intentional to hurt her, and it hurt to think that she might presume I did.
So the weekend had been a bit of a disaster personally, the only highlight had been how much I enjoyed seeing Pink perform. This would certainly be a pilgrimage worth repeating, and in the future I would enjoying seeing Pink again on much happier terms. Until then, I would head back to Portsmouth and turn my back on everything back in Somerset that was driving me crazy. I was craving the mindless drunken stupor of University life.